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It has come to our attention that one of our leading intellectuals, Mr. Pinley Stanto, part of MAP’s deadly arsenal and inventor of the terms “fakeroo” and “factoid” which have enriched the city’s lexicon, went to Venkatappa Art Gallery the other day to investigate the true facts for himself. He had a disturbing experience. As he writes in his impeccable English: “I had never heard of the Venkatappa Art Gallery… Right now it is a mess best avoided; one you want to come away from wanting to wash your hands with a strong disinfectant. Sorry.”   This is deeply upsetting. We cannot have our leading intellectuals go slumming to help their friends. ( This incident also reminds us of another historic intellectual, Ms. Marie Antoinette).

( On a tangent – my cousin sister’s ‘other side of the family’ had an OCD problem. In those olden days before hand sanitizers it seems they used to carry around little bottles of Dettol in their pockets or purses and secretly clean their hands each time they touched anything.)    (It’s sort of an extreme form of madi.) 


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So we have been turning our minds to how best solve this disgraceful imbroglio and see that the city gets the world class museum it deserves, while leaving the unsanitary VAG to artists and other riff raff.

Voila! We found the perfect nest for MAP!

– it matches all the criteria of MAP
– it is a heritage building in the heart of the city in acres of gardens
– not a government institution so no controversy
– can save money on rebuilding
– the elite of the city practically live there 
– plenty of the right kind of foot fall
– no one speaks in Kannada, nothing local about it
– it is truly international ( of the 1860s) 
– plenty of parking and two gates, lacking in VAG
– already has several cafes and restaurants, library and film club 
– it has a liquor licence! after the intellectual strain of seeing a MAP show you can head to the bar  
   (also can have booze for openings instead of coffee in drab govt. VAG)
– Tate, MOMA, Guggenheim, Pompidou curators can loll about at the poolside
– has rooms for guests, so convenient! – Smithsonian team can stay there on the spot and train MAP staff
– it has a dress code and strict membership rules
– won’t find mediocre local jholawala artists lurking about
– no stinky pan type toilets, it has rest rooms where  you can have afternoon siestas on the cane sofas
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Looking forward to the MAP-BC co-brand!

In case this plan also faces protests, alternate sites suggested: ( many may need hand sanitizer) 

1. Bangalore Palace – in ruins
2. Vidhana Soudha – stinky loos, we’ve been there – can build extra wing for MAP
3. City Corporation – probably stinky loos, ditto
4. Town Hall – ditto, ditto
5. NGMA  Bangalore – belongs to Centre  😥 
6. Windsor Manor Hotel – fake colonial – perfect?
7. Tate Modern London- MAP too ambitious for city- maybe should go for PPP with Tate Modern? Our local millionaires can fund – what a delight it would be to see MAP collection in Tate!😸

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